Sociology in the News: Friends are good for us … so why do many men have none at all?

Best pals in 1920s rural Ireland fall out spectacularly in the acclaimed film The Banshees of Inisherin. A century on, surely the attitudes of the modern male have moved on?

The premise of the film is that one day during the Irish civil war one of the main characters goes to pick up his best friend for their daily pint in the local pub. But his friend doesn't want to go and just communicates to him to say that he no longer wants to be friends - in a sort of version of ghosting from 100 years ago. The film is a study of male friendship, its habits, limits and lack of mutual understanding or emotional intimacy.

Yet we all know that having a good circle of friends is important in terms of improving mental health and life expectancy - so why do so many men over 40 dismiss it as unimportant?

Counsellor and psychotherapist Adrian Wilson-Smith divides friendships into three distinct categories: functional, partying and enduring, and says that men are pretty good at functional relationships (the ones that you keep because they might help you get ahead in your career) and partying relationships (the ones that you use when you want a night in the pub). But enduring relationships are something that most men over 40 ignore, and see as very much female-to-female friendships. And in fact Wilson-Smith argues that most men will rely upon their partners to do their social organising for them, and that "male social passivity to a lack of emotional engagement and a preoccupation with other aspects of life, like work, money and sport."

This is reinforced by Richard Reeve's book Of Boys and Men - which shows that women outperform men in terms of friendship and that women make and maintain friendships in a different way to men with women more likely to have a best friend and men more likely to socialise in groups.

This is a fascinating article with the recommendation of a great film to watch, along with a book to read, and will generate discussion about gender differences, but also links to the issue of men's mental health.

https://www.theguardian.com/li...